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Last night I stumbled across an awesome post at Wage Slave Rebel that I had missed a few weeks back called Bullshit With Bullets.
JD makes multiple fascinating points including how us bloggers are, “A narcissistic bunch of traffic whores.”
Despite my initial reaction of thinking “yeah, all bloggers are, but me”, I continued reading and found myself agreeing with him whole heartedly.
He outlined exactly what I don’t like about this personal development blogosphere, which I’ve fallen in love with and where I’ve found a nice, cozy home these past few months since starting Dreamin’ the Life. Personal Development-aholics like myself tend to cling to anything that we identify with, and then try to scream from the rooftops why our way is the right way.
After reading JD’s words yesterday, I’ve decided to promise myself not to do this. I think everyone should question other’s beliefs, and most of all their own. Without this commitment to critical thinking and self scrutiny, I don’t think it’s possible to learn anything. Each of us would go around thinking that our way is the only correct way, and in my opinion, way too many people are stuck in that philosophy as is. I refuse to be another one of them.
Every word that I write here on my little corner of this public platform called the internet is what I believe to be true at that moment. This doesn’t mean that I’m always right, or that I won’t disagree with myself about what I published the next day. But that’s the beauty in writing publicly – it makes you clearly define your thoughts, and then stirs up a discussion about things that we hold to be true. I’ve found that writing and hitting that little magic “publish” button makes me either stronger in my beliefs, or realize why I am incorrect in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to see if it all just stayed swirling around in circles in my head.
Contrary to one of JD’s main points that “List posts rape your soul”….I can’t promise not to do list posts, because I do still love their simplicity and directness. I love reading and writing them, despite the fact that they rarely deliver, because occasionally an awesome list post does. But, I will tell anyone reading this why they shouldn’t take anything I have to say as a be all, end all.
So without further adieu…. here are 3 reasons that you shouldn’t listen to anything I have to say:
1. I’m human, fallible, and more often than not, wrong.
Recently, I’ve found that it’s actually our collective stupidity that produces the most wisdom. I’ve made far more mistakes in my life than correct decisions. But, that’s why I think I am an excellent student of life- I am excellent at fucking up.
2. I’m only 26.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever said my age publicly, but here it is. I’m young, and every year I get older, the more I realize I don’t know. The concepts of authenticity and transparency are trendy phrases swirling around social media these days. But what do they really mean? Honesty. I’m going to make more of an effort to be transparent and honest on here. Not that I am hiding anything, but it’s kind of scary as hell to reveal your complete self. Once you have nothing to hide, you become completely vulnerable. But that’s when the most growth happens.
3. I change my mind more often than I change my underwear.
I question myself more often than not, and change my mind hundreds of times a day. I question my own beliefs, probably more often than I should. One of my favorite things is to be proven wrong. It means that something I hold to be true has another side to it that hasn’t been examined.
So, in conclusion, don’t take what I say to be as truth. If anything I write resonates with you, makes you think, or opens your mind to a new idea that you hadn’t previously thought about… my mission has been accomplished.
Thank you JD for your awesome article, and making me question myself and think about things in a new light. That’s what life is all about.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Experimenting and learning from your mistakes are a part of life. Acknowledgment of your mistakes is a powerful thing.
Keep up the good work Karen, I dont think your bullshitting anyone : )
Welcome to the ranks of the eternal seekers! Consider a passage from one of my favorite poems by James Kavanaugh:
I am one of the searchers.
There are, I believe, millions of us.
We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life,
hoping to uncover its ultimate secret.
We continue to explore ourselves,
hoping to understand.
The first step in obtaining wisdom is recognizing that you don’t already have it. Let the search begin! Another great quote to remember comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
“Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what
tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing
you said today. — `Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’ –
Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood,
and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and
Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be
great is to be misunderstood.”
So yes, search, so you can know. Shout your beliefs, but don’t be afraid to change them. And last, but not least…Keep on rockin!
You might be happy to know that this post isn’t the soul-raping sort I despise. Lists are wonderful ways to organize thoughts and clearly present information. I loathe those lists posts which seek to oversimplify life, that seem to suggest that people are purely rational and that everything is black and white, and those lists which offer trite, cliche, parroted information.
That said, I’m glad you are making this sort of declaration. The more I write, the more I reveal myself. It’s a bit scary to know that a lot of my beliefs are public knowledge because I realize that at some point in the future I’ll have to publicly admit I was wrong about something and that now I believe such-and-such.
I think as long as we stay sincere, we’ll be okay, though.
You’re only 26, I’m 49 years old. I’ve learned so much more over the last 20 years that I now realize I’m so incredibly ignorant I should be amazed I can tie my shoes! Come to think of it: my shoes have velcro straps, not ties. Some favorite quotes:
“We’re all ignorant … just on different subjects.” Will Rogers
“Whenever you find yourself siding with the majority, it’s probably time to rethink your position.” Mark Twain
“If you have a problem with me, YOU are still the one with the problem.” Steve Weaver (Me! lol)
Keep up the good work Karen, you’re miles ahead of where I was at your age.
Come to think of it, you’re probably miles ahead of me now!!!
Karen,
There lies a balance to be struck here, between self-belief and disbelief. It is this: we can think we are right, but it only applies to what is our truth in our lives. That is, what we say may be right for us, but not right for another person, and we have to accept that. All we can do is pass along our truth in the hopes that it does resonate with someone else.
Why bother spreading something that you don’t believe to be true?
Young and wrong? I’d vote that you, like all of us, are constantly incomplete but getting complete-er or right-er all the time. Flour, water and an egg mixed together in a bowl isn’t too young, or wrong; it’s just not bread yet until the other stuff is added. Or maybe you’re not brownies yet until the other stuff gets added. Or maybe you’ll end up being a quiche… keep blogging and we’ll all find out together.
You’re a perfectly fine You at 26, but next year you’ll have even more ingredients added and will be a more complete You at 27. The bowl full of flour, water and an egg isn’t -wrong-… though I’ll admit it’s unappetizing, and we all find ourselves being unappetizing occasionally.
And it comes and goes; blueberries taste great, then you coat them in batter and the whole glob tastes pretty bad but then it gets baked and it tastes pretty good but then it gets stale and it tastes pretty bad then you heat it up and add ice cream and it tastes pretty good then it gets old and…
But just keep adding your ingredients to yourself; neither you nor your opinions are =a= dish, you’re both never-ending recipes. Stone soup that won’t be emptied until a day far in the future.
I also don’t think you change your mind, or even that people ever change; we ‘layer’. We’re like onions or pearls, constantly adding layers. The bad attitude and the car we stole we had at 17? They’re still there, but fading in the background and hopefully being coated with better attitude and better action layers. The horrible thing that happened to us last year? It’ll always be there, but time will coat it and layer it and it will always be a part of us, but a smaller part every day, with the edges smoothed out, for better or worse.
So I don’t think you’re changing your mind every day… you’re adding opinions and ways of thinking every day, factoring in more viewpoints every day… You don’t have “an opinion”, you have a huge list of pros and cons in your mind whose sum, at the moment, is your opinion… seventeen steps ago when you had ten fewer pros and seven fewer cons, you weren’t -wrong- then or -right- then, you just had a shorter list, that added up to a different opinion.
The opinion you have today? You’ll add to that list, at 49 you’ll have hundreds of more experiences and viewpoints and memories that influence that opinion… but it, and you, will never be finished.. and who knows; the sum result might have been more correct when you thought about it at 7 then when you factored in some wrong things at 32… older, nor younger, is not corrolated with wiser, just with older. Longer list of pros and cons, but no guarentees the sum is any more correcter.
So is it bad to change your mind, or a sign of inexperience or immaturity or not having though things through or a sign of a weak character or… I don’t think so; you mind, you, your life… it changes every day whether we want it to or not, as they say, we really never can step into the same river twice… the 100th time you make a mistake, or cheat on your diet, or fail to forgive a friend, isn’t the 100th time; it’s the first time you ever did it that particular way…
That older you get the less you know deal doesn’t seem to ever stop. I was a teenager when you were born. I knew absolutely EVERYTHING I would ever need to know then. Each year I learn another bunch of stuff I didn’t know. I was well past 26 when I started figuring that out.
You’re doing alright
Hey Karen,
I respect you for have the courage for opening up to the public and being honest. That says a lot about you.
It says that you are not writing posts for self-interest, in fact you are sincerely writing for the good of others.
And you know what, I hope you don’t feel bad about fucking up so many times in life. Trust me, I screwed up many times too, but you are only 26 and you have your whole life ahead of you. And the only way to improve and have a better life, is to have a life full of mistakes and bad decisions first.
This post takes an honorary stance
Steven
Hey Karen
I also read JD’s post, it’s a very nice one.
One of the biggest things I like about blogging is the fact that you learn a lot about yourself while writing. It’s a journey and I find I’ve grown a lot since I started with mine.
Keep on doing what you’re doing and keep on posting
Have a great week!
Diggy
Great post Karen!
Being honest with yourself is definetly the first step. Just think though…for every one of YOU, there are an equal (if not highter) number of others who need to follow someone else, and not themselves.
I applaud your truthfulness, and your courage, and your willingness to keep going.
I’ll keep reading…
So, in conclusion, don’t take what I say to be as truth.
That is not true for sure.
Rasheed
Karen, great post. You know what they say:
“There are three points of view to every story: My view, your view, and the truth.”
I like your view, as do many others, so keep doing what you’re doing
I think self-improvement is subjective subject. Anybody can really come in this atmosphere and put their own twist in it and might not be wrong. The fact that everybody can be right makes it hard to say who really is. There are, however, more complete ways of looking at self-improvement.
I think since nobody can truly be right or wrong, it’s more important to see how effective their material can be in helping people that need the help. Everybody should contribute and have something to say, so there is no reason why you should say that we shouldn’t listen to you. We’re all helping each other out and it is fun!
I have to disagree with you on all 3.
))
))
Because:
1.There’s no being “right” or “wrong” in absolute terms. What makes perfect sense for you, in a certain occasion, at a certain point in your life, may not work at all for somebody else. And vice-versa. So I would still listen to you, and very much so. But I’d be more interested in your authenticity in that moment, than in the perfect match of our oppinions. And what you really are – this perfect assembly of imperfections is exactly what makes you unique. (just like everybody else
2. Again, in absolute numbers, age doesn’t mean much. You can have quite a clear and open mind at 26, or be as narrow minded as a crack at 68. Look around you.
3.If you change your mind that often, that means it’s super clean! Well done to you. That’s a sign your mind is evolving, growing, is flexible and suple, can see different angles to old issues, it adapts, it moves.
So I am listening to you. Go on and express yourself and never prove me wrong!
Best of luck,
Anna Presso
Hey you’ve got Evolution on your blogroll! Lovely stuff.
Most of the ‘uber’ bloggers out there I’ve found are in their 30′s? I still think our (limited) life experience gives us another perspective all together!
Hi Karen, writing this was this bold, honest, and beautiful. I feel the same way… I think the idea is to never stop seeking, and to allow ourselves to change our minds, even when it’s out there “in print”… to keep on dreamin’ anyway
Cheers,
Miche
Interesting post that delivers a true message!
We are changing every second. I -now – agree with you – then-
However, even if you are changing and I am changing, still I will listen to you respectfully and I might disagree with you and learn something in the process!
All the best
Karen,
Awesome post. Your honesty is inspiring. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes – “The foolish man speaks, the wise man listens.” Your ability to understand that you are right sometimes and wrong sometimes makes you that much more intelligent.
Thanks for sharing!
-Dena
Brilliant, I love it Karen. It’s just as important not to get caught up with the lifestyles joneses as it with the normal ones!
Keep challenging the status quo!
First, I don’t think age matters (ok, I’m younger than you) because beliefs are affecting you, me and everyone else, but what you said is absolutely true. What we say now is the result of our current beliefs and it may change even tomorrow if you have an open mind. I really loved this post by the way.
Yeah, I’ve been wondering why there’s all this hating on list posts. Is it because they became so popular and everyone and their brother started doing them?
It all feels so ‘high school’ to me. Oh, that person is doing a list post! What a cool idea. Then….oh, there are so many people doing list posts, so now I’m going to hate on them. It’s as if now it’s cool to not do list posts. I think that’s just bs in my personal, humble opinion.
Screw what other people say, and do what feels good to you. The key is adding value. Your post above has a list and it adds value to the conversation. Well done!
You are a very wise (and normal) 26 year old, and I love your lists. I’m partial to lists and 5 and 10 thing posts, so I will never criticize your lists.
Very interesting and personal blog post. It is good to sometimes be critical of yourself. But probably not healthy to always be questioning your beliefs. Some moments call for you to step up to the plate with confidence and certainty.