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I have a list of goals.
I have a list in the memo section of my Blackberry, and it’s titled APRIL 2008!!! It’s capitalized, and has a lot of exclamation points. Apparently, I was excited when I wrote it. But, I wasn’t sufficiently motivated.
Because I have the same list of goals, three years later. My 2010 resolutions were almost identical.
My April 2008 list reads:
- No soda
- No alcohol
- No fried food
- No white flour
- No fast food
- Drink 2 liters of water a day
- Keep track of every penny spent/ and earned
- Keep food journal for everything eaten
- Eat fresh fruits and veggies
My goals for 2010 are:
- Be sober
- Blog.
- Save. Be financially responsible.
- Exercise and eat healthy.
- Simplify and declutter.
- Learn to meditate.
- Write, write, and write.
The April 2008 list amazingly resembles my 7 Day Challenge written in July of 2009.
And I still have the same list of goals. I still want to achieve them all, and for some reason I have it stuck in my head that if only I live this way, then I will be happy. I know that this thinking is my first problem.
But, why haven’t I achieved them?
I’m not so sure. I’m finding that this blog is become a place for me to ask questions, instead of give the answers. I’m hoping that once I can properly define the questions, and present them in a concrete, public way, the answers will reveal themselves to me. Or the answers will come in the form of fabulous comments from anyone reading this.
You’ll never find any answers unless you start asking questions.
I keep hearing Dr. Phil in my head, every time I do something that I know I shouldn’t do, saying “How’s that workin’ for you?”. And apparently it is working for me,otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it. I think the reason that we continue any behavior that we know we shouldn’t do, is because the payoff is greater to continue than the pain it takes to stop.
No matter how much I think about losing weight, exercising more, and saving more money, the reality is that the McDonald’s tastes damn good. Starbucks in the morning is more important to me than the long term pay off of saving the $5.50 every morning. No matter how embarrassing it is to admit my own lack of self discipline, and failure to achieve my goals, the reality is that I’m not succeeding. Something is stopping me from following through, day after day, month after month, and now year after year. And I’m not sure what it is.
But I have a feeling I’m not sufficiently motivated.
Take being late for example. Some people are chronically late. We all know these people. You don’t expect them for a party until an hour after they say they will be there. You don’t feel pressured to leave the house on time when meeting them for dinner, because you know they won’t be there on time.
The psychology behind lateness fascinates me. I’ve read how it is the ultimate selfish behavior because it put out an impression that the world revolves around you. It effects everyone around you when you are late. It’s a choice to be consistently late. It’s really a choice to be consistently anything- negative or positive.
I used to be consistently late. Averaging about 15 minutes late a day. God know why my previous jobs didn’t fire me. I really believed that I tried to be on time. I wanted to be on time. I stressed out when I was late. Yet, the behavior continued. For some reason, I got more pay off from hitting my snooze button one more time, than arriving to work on time. Back then, I had a hangover every morning, and was much more depressed, but regardless of these factors, I chose to be late. The payoff I was getting in being late was more than the consequences.
This got me thinking. Now, this is a morbid and random metaphor but for some reason it makes sense to me. If someone that you loved would be killed if you were ever late to your job, you would never be late again. You would be sufficiently motivated.
You would leave hours ahead of time, and leave more than enough time to arrive way before you needed to be there. You would remove whatever obstacle you have ever had to arriving on time- hitting the snooze button again, losing your keys, traffic. You would be sufficiently motivated to not be late.
It’s not rocket science, but for some reason this analogy made sense to me.
I’m hoping that analyzing why I was able to change a defective and negative past behavior will be the key to changing other behaviors that I am having trouble changing. And in doing so, I’ve realized that I just need to be sufficiently motivated.
At my current job, I am not late. For some reason, this behavior in my life has changed from the person I was three years ago. Sure, many circumstances are different. It helps not to wake up with a hangover, and not have to commute as far to work.
Now, the question is how do you become sufficiently motivated?
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
You are much wiser than you have any right to be at your age, and MUCH wiser than me. I know it sounds odd, considering how we live as far apart as we possibly could and still be in the same country, but I am so convinced we were meant to be friends.
For me when I looked at my character defects and the 7 deadly sins, I was startled to discover my “lack of motivation” was all lurking in Sloth.
I was too lazy to keep on doing what I wanted to do. I could justify why “not to do something just today” or promise myself I would do tomorrow. It was the same way I approached drinking.
So I made my list and really saw how much sloth was robbing from me. So I set out to not be sloth. I force myself out of bed on the first alarm. Snooze is not an option. I don’t let myself talk myself out of going to the gym. I go ahead and complete that project even when I don’t feel like it.
I can’t “Not be lazy” but I can do things that will keep me from being lazy.
I listened to a short story, I think it was by Stephen King, but I’m not sure…anyway the main character wants to quit smoking. He signs up for a program and signs a contract saying that if he smokes people in his life will be punished. He ends up cheating and having one, and later he is brought to a building and forced to watch as some men tazer his wife. He is then told that the punishments get worse the more he cheats. The end of the story he no longer smokes.
That’s what I thought about when you were talking about needing sufficient motivation!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here Karen. I can really identify with a lot of what you shared. Somehow over the last few years I have cultivated much healthier habits … I stopped smoking (I promised myself I would stop by the time I was 30 and I did), drinking so much and generally exercising and being healthier.
I find it hard to be disciplined but what has helped me has been taking it as baby steps. For example with exercise I find that I build momentum the more I do it so that it becomes something I actually want to do. Also balance is important for me. I used to go mad and try and cut out all my unhealthy habits in one go but now I have a fry up or something I fancy now and then so I don’t feel like I am depriving myself.
Just a few thoughts, thisis an area I am still working on too!
Jen
Thanks for the question Karen… and thanks for the answer David. I, too, am sick of looking at the same lists year after year. And I thing David has the answer.
Ro
Being a not so good Catholic boy, I have actually used Lent several times as a jumpstart to quitting a few things. I know this isn’t exactly the right way to do things, but it has helped me quit drinking soda and coffee (for a few years) at points. I think what has and will help motivate me for future endeavors will be blogging. There is just something about being held accountable, even in an online world, that seems to give me a boost. I’m new to it, but I already see a slight difference. I think it even helps to just announce your goals to your friends outloud. Just saying them and hearing yourself sometimes gives you that accountability that you feel you have to adhere to for the next time you see them.
Hey Karen! Great post. I am so excited to hear that you want to make these significant changes. It sounds like you’ve been making so many incredible, positive changes in your life recently. You are an inspiration.
As you know, I lost 70 pounds a few years ago. One of the things that helped me the most was keeping my eye on the prize — and asking questions constantly. I always had to ask myself WHY I was doing things. Why was I reaching for a can of coke instead of a glass of water? The answer was usually convenience/taste. When I weighed the outcome (fat or healthy) (soda or water) — the healthy choice always won out.
Hopefully this little tip will be of some help to you as you embark on this new journey. I’m cheering for you!
Hi Karen, First, thanks for the reminder … You’ll never find any answers unless you start asking questions…. wisdom pure and simple.
My two cents response to your question … Motivation is one of those action things, as is visualization, discipline, inspiration, preparation, repetition, etc. all important in the mix. I guess if the reason you’re motivated is life and death that my trump all but your list dosn’t seem life or death.
How you write the goal may help (eliminate the no’s and state them as positives) … http://thetruthofsmallsteps.com/?p=1407
Having fewer goals works for me. Then accomplish them one step at a time…
And what Dena said “keeping your eye on the prize” with regular (daily?) review is a good step.
Thanks for the motivation.
Have fun,
Jim
P.S. congratulations on your writing, writing, writing!
Karen,
Two comments:
1. Notice how your list in 2008 was full of “No” and your current list doesn’t have any “No”.
This is a big step forward. You are now focusing on the positive aspects of Life. In the past you were focusing on the negative aspects of Life.
2. One big obstacle to improve ourselves is the lack of awareness. I suggest you to be aware of your feelings and emotions constantly. Be aware of your emotions when you do something that is consistent with your goals and when you do anything that hinders your goals. Were you stressed or depressed? Were you happy? Were you content? Were you feeling Love?
Develop the feelings of Love, Appreciation and Abundance and you will see that your actions will be more consistent with your goals.
All the best,
Boris
Karen, lately I haven’t been motivated to do some things and I’ve been doing other things to hide that fact. My motivation is often simply to cross something off my list, so I changed the list to include only the things that I need to do that day. I also scheduled things a little more clearly on my calendar and that gave me fewer excuses – it’s on my calendar, so that’s what I should be doing right now. Somehow that made it more official, like having a meeting with a coworker. It’s working so far. I hope your new motivation works better for you. Best of luck!
Do what you love. I wish I could make it more complicated than that, but it’s not.
And write your way through it–that always helps me. It’s cool to see your progress forward. Know that we are pulling for you to have your dream life.
The fact about the experiences we have in life is that we have the choice to evolve or be stagnant. Oftentimes when we want to achieve something we seek some forms of motivation to push us through. However, in my experience, we can achieve anything we want if we act upon it despite the absence of motivation. We only need to think of the long-term benefit we can gain and not from measuring the pros and cons of the moment.
I got sober in 2008, so I guess your lists from 2008 to 2010 caught my eye.
Look at your first list: NO NO NO NO NO.
Look at your second list. You’ve replaced all those negatives with positives.
I stumbled upon your blog completely by accident, and became a faithful reader. I hope you do continue blogging … it’s an inspiration.
Best,
Tom