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It’s like trying to run in sand. You keep pushing, but the sand absorbs all of your strength. It’s like trying to scream underwater. You can feel yourself screaming, but all you hear is a muffled echo.

I used to think that depression was something that I beat, something that I overcome. I used to think that I outsmarted it, and it was something I was stronger having beat. But lately, it’s humbled me. I grew too confident, and forgot how such a powerful force had to be respected.

I still believe that learning to be positive saved my life. But, depression is something that I must work proactively to keep at bay. The ironic part of depression is that it’s nature is to deceive you. Much like addiction, the nature of the beast is to distract you from being aware of it’s presence. It’s sneaky, and manipulative. Your own brain fools you into buying into the defective thinking. Depression makes your world slowly close in on you. But it creeps in so slowly that you don’t notice it until it’s suffocating. You look up, and your world is so confined that there isn’t any room left for hope.

Since beginning my confrontation and battle with my addictive nature a few months ago, my old friend depression has crept back in. I know he’s hanging around when I start avoiding people, and fantasize of being able to stay in bed and avoid the world for as long as possible. This is hard to decipher from my usual introvert tendencies since even when I am most happy, I prefer a good book on a Friday night to a raging party. But depressive thoughts are characteristically negative and extreme. They speak to me in my own voice, and tell me that there’s no hope for progression towards my goals. They tell me that all effort will be futile, and they only see the world in black and white.

Despite it’s frustrating nature, depression doesn’t scare me as much as it used to. It’s like an old dysfunctional friend that I haven’t seen in quite awhile. I thought it had moved away permanently, but since it’s return I realize that was an especially naive assumption. Genetic disposition and biology are some of the most pressing factors for depression. It’s doesn’t care how much money you have, who you know, or how famous you are. It has a disturbingly unbiased approach, and happens to people close to you without you being aware.

Depression pisses me off because it makes me not want to be active. It takes away everything that gives me enjoyment. It makes me not want to blog, and be outwardly expressive. It tells me that its hopeless to try because it won’t work out anyway. It tells me that I shouldn’t even start because it won’t work out the way I want it to. More than anything, it tells me that its not even worth it to have hope. And I know its wrong, but I believe it anyway.

The good news about depression is that it makes me grateful for happiness. I began taking my lack of depression for granted, and as soon as that happened it crept back in. I used to be so bogged down by depression that I was in awe of each time I was obnoxiously happy. I used to be so grateful in the moments that I was filled with inspiration, courage, and excitement. Because the reality was most of my life was filled with apathy.

The depression hasn’t been as all consuming as it used to be. I won’t let it have that power over me. It has just been sneaking in recently, and I’m deciding to write about my awareness of it. The stigma and the shame that surrounds it, much like addiction, shouts at you to not tell anyone. It tells you to be silent and keep it inside, while putting on a front to make sure people around you think everything is okay.

But putting on that front is part of it’s deceptive quality, and I’m not giving in. The truth is, its okay to not be happy all the time. That’s how life is. Change is the only thing that’s inevitable, so that must mean that ridiculous amounts of happiness are just around the corner.

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Note: This is part two to the post Girl’s Night Out.

I spent way too much energy thinking of bad excuses, so that I could flake on going to my friend’s birthday. I thought of a hundred excuses, but I knew that I wasn’t going to use any of them. I had to go. I had to try going out sober.

This evening was the first time I had the chance to test run my shakily, uncertain and sober self. It was a group of friends whose relationship with me was not solely dependent on alcohol. The birthday girl was my old roommate, and although we used to party plenty of times, she was someone that I was completely comfortable not drinking around. And, she was actually one of the few friends that I had disclosed my issues with alcohol, and my recent attempt at having a different life, before many others.

This group was safe. They liked me and didn’t care if I drank or not. They weren’t people that enabled my defective behaviors, they were friends that I knew would act like they didn’t care whether I had issues or not. Real friends.

It was a girl’s night out for a birthday dinner, and a show at the local comedy club. I love seeing stand up, but I hadn’t ever done it without sucking down those over priced drinks that you feel guilty interrupting the show while trying to flag down the overloaded server for another. Maybe without that distraction, listen more to the jokes. Maybe my skin would crawl the entire time, with me eyeballing my girlfriend’s drinks and unable to concentrate on the comedian’s words. I was thinking it would be the latter.

I drove myself to the club. In my previous life, I always met up before going out at a friend’s house. This way someone else would drive, and I was free to drink as much as I wanted. And, I could get started with a few drinks under the belt before even walking out the door. This usually ended with me having to sleep uncomfortably on someone’s couch, where the lack of adequate blinds let light in as soon as the sun rose. This inconvenience didn’t matter; being able to drink as much as I wanted was always the organizing principle.

This time was different. I wasn’t as anxious as I expected. I certainly wasn’t as excited to be going out either, but I figured a comedy show is rarely a bad time.

We got to the restaurant, and waited 40 minutes for our table. We waited so long that we had to rush to eat. The packed bar side of the restaurant was that familiar, dark, and overcrowded. It seemed so unappealing, looking at it with my sober eyes. I just didn’t care to squeeze through the crowds, and fight for a table. I’d rather be at a bookstore.

I ordered water to drink at dinner. The reality of me not drinking ended up not being a very big deal. It was amplified in my head, as usual. I didn’t discuss why I wasn’t drinking, but no one really asked me either. The friend who’s birthday it was knew my back story more than anyone, and she was like the hub of the group. Either they heard about it from her or they didn’t care. They probably didn’t care, and I should stop thinking that everyone was thinking about me.

All of the girls but me ordered Jager shots to start. It didn’t really bother me. The hefeweizen that the girl sitting next me was drinking began to quietly whisper my name, and I had to turn and not look at it. I cheered with my water, and wasn’t really bothered by it. One of my friends turned down her Jager shot once it arrived, because she ended up deciding on a delicate salad to eat for dinner. The two didn’t mix, she said. I remembered that I wasn’t incapable of this type of thinking. This is why I couldn’t drink.

We got into the comedy club and they ended up having desert. We ordered one of each on the menu. Deep fried cheesecake bites almost made up for my lack of alcohol. Almost.

The combination of the waiter not really caring if we satisfied the two item minimum, and everyone else ordering at least one drink made all my worries seem worthless. Reality is never as traumatic as it is in my head. You’d think I would remember that.

My friend turned to me in the dark club before the show, after the waiter took our order. Not a word had been spoken about my dry behavior, and she said, “What’s it like… being on a diet and being surrounded by carrot cake?” I said yeah, kind of. Her attempt at empathy made me feel better, yet more alone.

I hope it isn’t going to always feel like going on a diet. I hope the carrot cake fades away, into the background, instead of whispering to me about how delicious it would be.

The truth was the evening ended up being somewhat uneventful. I didn’t drink. I made it through without wanting to scratch my eye balls out, and while having a decent time.

I’m avoiding going out again, for the time being at least. I’d rather go to a bookstore because there, the hef doesn’t whisper to me.

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I’m so excited and proud to announce an accomplishment of one of my biggest goals since starting this blog in June of last year: a custom redesign and installation of the Thesis theme.

Since I began blogging 7 months ago (wow, it’s been that long?!?), I have wanted a custom design and gorgeous header that really represents me and this site. I’m SO excited now to debut it, and incredible happy with the results.

My friend and Twitter BFF, Shannon Albert is actually the one that I need to give all the credit. I already knew that she was geekly-inclined, and way more techy than I, but her visual and artistic skills ended up blowing me away. True, it wasn’t hard to improve upon my incredibly lame previous design, but pleasing my perfectionist eye was much more difficult.

The truth is, I have been contemplating hiring a designer for months now, but procrastinated because of fear that it wouldn’t live up to my too high expectations.

Right now, she has an incredible opportunity available for anyone that wants to have her set up their new blog. That sounds so cheesy and infomercial-like when I put it that way… but the truth is I wish she had this when I was setting up my blog. I had no idea how to do any of it, and it took me days to do something that would take her hours… or minutes. Until the end of this month, Shannon is offering to set up new blogs with your own domain for free provided that you go through her affiliate links to purchase hosting and a domain. Since as you have to purchase these things anyway if you want to set up your own website, her offer is beyond invaluable.

Blogging is something that has changed my life since I discovered it last year. It sounds silly and too trivial to make that much of an impact, but a blog can actually serve many purposes. It can serve whatever aspect you choose: a creative outlet, a way to connect with friends and family near and far, a way to learn and explore your own thoughts through writing, a business, or a means to connect with people with similar interests that you would otherwise never met.

For me, my blog has fulfilled all of these qualities. The future for this little site makes me giddy and excited just thinking of it. I plan to grow this blog into a business, while still maintaining it’s integrity and the personal-development-through writing-about-my-experiences style. Monetization and small business development are still topics that seem to boggle my mind and confuse me the more I focus on them, but I figure that just like getting this blog up an running, I can do anything I put my mind to.

There is still some tweaking of this site to come in the near future, and new features that I am very excited about. This coming week, look for the conclusion to Girl’s Night Out, as well a new Site Review and mini-interview with one of the biggest personal development bloggers in the industry.

So, tell me in the comments… what do you think of the design? What aspects do you like best, and what do you think can be improved upon? Thank you for reading, as always. I am ridiculously excited for what’s to come for Dreamin’ the Life in 2010.

If you are new here and have gotten this far, go follow me on Twitter here. And subscribe to get future posts delivered directly to you in box.

If I could have an unlimited supply of any two virtues it would be: courage and determination. With courage, you are fearless enough to try anything, and have the strength to battle all of the challenges that life inevitably gives us. With determination, you work hard and have the stamina to achieve your hopes and dreams.

One of my biggest influences has a rare combination of both of these characteristics in such a classy, down to earth, and humble way. I’m so positively giddy to announce this site review with one of my biggest inspirations: Chris Guillebeau.

Chris has one of my dream jobs of being a writer, and entrepreneur. Every Monday and Thursday he publishes a new, interesting article for his blog, The Art of Nonconformity. The subject matter bounces from business ideas and entrepreneurship to which airport floor he has slept on last or how he almost wasn’t able to enter Saudi Arabia. And, he has this interesting little hobby of traveling to every country in the world before his 35th birthday. His blog is one of the first that I followed religiously, and kept coming back to eager for more content. He has a delicate balance of an incredibly hard work ethic, and just being an interesting person who continuously strives towards big goals.

I’m so honored that Chris took the time to answer a couple of my questions, below. If you have never read his site, I highly recommend taking a peak and reading some of my favorite articles about random conversations, taking action, and his manifesto that started it all A Brief Guide to World Domination.

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1. What inspires you most?

a) The other volunteers I worked with in West Africa from 2002-2006. Now I go around the world drinking lattes, and many of them are still there helping out without fame or fortune. I think of them wherever I go.

b) All of the people who read my site. I’m fortunate to have a diverse crowd of fun, remarkable people who keep me on my toes and frequently write in with all kinds of great stories.

2. What two qualities do you think are key to having a successful blog?

1) An understanding of the convergence between what you care about and what other people are also interested in. Without that bridge, it will be tough going to attract more than a small group.

2) Persistence and determination to keep going for a long period of time, initially without recognition. Chris Brogan writes almost every day. Seth Godin sometimes posts several times a day. I don’t write every day, but I’ve never missed a post since starting in February 2008. You have to become dedicated to the regular task of writing for writing’s sake.

3. What piece of advice would you give to someone that wants to become self employed by following their passion?

See above – you have to do something that other people care about. No one cares about you online, as Seth likes to say. All of us care about ourselves. Therefore, it’s not enough just to be passionate, but if you can combine passion with a product or service that makes sense to others, you’re on the right track.

4. What is the best lesson you have learned from blogging?

I learned that my initial vision for the project was much too limited. I originally thought I’d write for a small group of readers online and maybe eventually a book. Now I have an entire business, an upcoming charity project, a book tour to every state and province in North America, and much more — all from making the initial commitment and seeing it through. My life is much different than it was before blogging, and I’m so glad I went for it.
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One of the things that I am most passionate about is the human experience. I love hearing people’s stories, and I have a sort of addiction with seeking out the ones that tug at your heart strings. I am a voracious reader of memoirs, and obsessive documentary-watcher. My favorite shows are Intervention and Hoarders on A&E, not just for the simple fact that watching Hoarders motivates me to scrub my bathroom, but because it tells an incredible story of human dysfunction and emotion.

If I won the lottery tomorrow and knew how to work a camera, I think my dream job would be a documentary film maker. Since I am lacking both of those two factors, I’ll just have to settle on watching new documentaries.

Speaking of documentaries, if you like them, check out this great post from my friend Shannon Albert here. That post tipped me off to this excellent documentary on MSNBC by a woman who’s mother is a hoarder. The documentary shows the pain that her mother’s extreme mental illness had on her and her siblings. Here it is, in case you are interested:

Recently, I have stumbled upon some incredible audio-documentary series  mostly by listening to NPR.

Here are some of my favorites:

This American Life
This American Life is a spectacular audio documentary program broadcast by Chicago Public Radio. It plays new episodes on weekends on NPR (I think), and I somehow manage to always catch the middle of a program while running errands. The show is so good that I wish I had a longer car trip to take, just so I can finish listening. Then I end up sitting in my car, like a schmuck in front of Ralph’s, postponing doing my grocery shopping because I have to listen to how the radio program ends. Each hour episode is themed, and usually has three short stories. They are incredibly well done, and I’m currently obsessed with them. While doing research for this article, I found that there is a TV show called This American Life, which was made for Showtime. You can download them on Itunes (for $1.99 an episode). I can barley stand to finish writing this because I am so excited to go watch the two I just bought.

Here are a couple great episodes to start with:
Somewhere Out There

This is the most recent episode. I caught the middle part of this episode about two stories of transgendered children, while running errands. And once again, I was stuck in my car, unable to stop listening to it.
Switched at Birth
This is one of their most popular episodes that had such a great story that it takes up the entire hour. It is about two families whose daughters were accidentally switched at birth in the hospital. The crazy part is that the two families were friends, and one of the mothers realizes the mistake right after coming home from the hospital and decides not to tell anyone until 40 years later.

RadioLab
Radiolab is another audio non-fiction program.  It’s quirky, quick-paced and science based stories brings out my inner geek. The program is brilliantly edited, with sound effects cut into the show in a way that sucks you into the story. It tells a story, while teaching you science based concepts in every episode.

I really enjoyed the most recent episode called Animal Minds, from January 12th. You can go to their home page, and listen to episodes in their entirety, for free.

The Moth

I randomly found The Moth by listening to NPR, once again. The Moth is a New York based live storytelling project. The stories are shorter snippets for those of you without an attention span for the hour long shows. I highly recommend the first story that I ever heard, spoken by comedian Anthony Griffith called “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” But be warned, it’s a tear jerker.

You can listen here, although you have to sign up for a free account to listen to the episode in it’s entirety (it’s worth it).
The Moth: Hour 1
Or, check out there official website, where you can listen to short episodes free:
Listen Here

Finally, if you have been living under a rock and never heard of PostSecret you must check it out. I get positively giddy every Sunday that I remember that new secrets are up. Postsecret is an art project where people anonymously write their secrets on postcards and mail them to it’s creator, Frank Warren. Every Sunday, he posts the best ones. They are shocking, sad, funny, and poignant. And better than anything, they make you feel not so alone by simply reading them.

So tell me in the comments, what’s your favorite memoir, or documentary?

If you enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing here. And if you are on Twitter, go follow me here.

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I think life presents us with the lessons that we need to learn at just that moment.

If we aren’t capable of absorbing the lessons, it comes back until you can learn it.

After a trying, busy time at work this week, I’ve realized the person that I want to be. Some of the things I’ve been aware of, but haven’t realized the depth of it’s value until now. Some of these things I’ve been working on for years, and some of the things I’ve always known in the back of my head that we should all do them.

I’m feeling very zen and enlightened for some reason, so bear with me.

I want to be consistent and reliable. I want to have integrity in my actions, so that when I say something the people around me believe my actions will be consistent with my intentions.

I don’t want to make excuses. I want to take responsibility for as much as possible, and suck it up even if I know it’s not necessarily my fault. I don’t want to blame others. It’s their duty to take responsibility for themselves, and I have no control over that.

I want to be kind to each person I encounter. I think kindness is so underrated. If all that I am know for in life is being kind to everyone, then I think that’s enough.

I don’t want to complain. Except for short venting sessions that must be necessary for my sanity, I will keep these few and far between.

I want to be selfless. I want to remember that I’m not the only one, and it’s not all about me. I want to help other people without expecting anything in return.

I don’t want to be judgmental. You never know all the pain and struggles that each person in your life is going through. Even if they are sitting next to you.

I want to be assertive, and respectfully speak my mind. I don’t want to be passive aggressive, because it’s cowardly way to exist. I want to be confident in my abilities, and even in my mistakes.

I want to live the four agreements every day:

• Be impeccable with my words
• Don’t take anything personally
• Don’t make assumptions
• Always do my best

I want to be humble. I don’t want to view anyone as better than me, or below me. We are all trying to the best we know how to do at the time.

I want to be patient. I want to take a deep breath, and be able to pause in any circumstance. It’s rare that anything matters as much as we think it does at the time. Unless you are an ER doctor making life or death decisions, everything can wait.

I want to be grateful. I want to be constantly aware of how lucky I am. I want to always know that there are so many people less fortunate than I, and even on my worst day I am usually better off than most people.

I may strive for the rest of my life to do all of these things. I may not know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I may always want to lose weight, do better, make less mistakes, and have more money. But if I can just keep constantly striving to be the person that I describe above, it will all be okay.

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My hair is straightened. The ends are curled, and falling just perfectly, despite its desperate need for a trim. Legs are shaved, and the cute outfit is all laid out on the bed. One of my best girlfriend’s birthday is this evening, and it seems to be shaping up to be an awesome night out, with a bunch of girls that I haven’t seen in a while. All is set for a great night out, except for the obsessive thoughts in my head: I can’t drink.

I don’t know how to be the sober one, and I’m planning on doing just that. I’ve known about this planned evening for months now. The same group of girls gets together every year, for one central friend’s birthday. It’s usually an over the top event, or at the very least a very well planned evening of old friends, lots of laughs and mischievous.

The only thing is, I haven’t been out at night with old friends, in my new sober form. Getting sober is a process. For all of you normal drinkers out there, let me tell you. There are many layers to getting sober. Admitting that it’s necessary is the huge and cliché first step. The reality of implementing this in your life takes getting sober a much deeper level.

Each friend that I have knows a different aspect of me. I had no idea that I was so uncomfortable being fully me, until trying to confront my alcoholism. Using alcohol is an easy, cowardly way of escaping any uncomfortable feelings. When you take away your crutch, all that is left is what you were trying to run away from.

My ticket to the Improv has a two item purchase minimum. I have never had this problem before. I would always drink more than two drinks, easily. But now, the worry of how to deal with this has preoccupied me all afternoon. I like drinking water, but it will make it so obvious that I’m not drinking. Should I order a non-alcoholic beer? No, that’s silly. Like decaf, it makes no sense to me. What about mineral water with lime? That way it kind of looks like a drink, with a citrus garnish. Or should I take the effort to order a virgin fruity drink? I don’t even like sweet alcoholic drinks, but if I’m drinking something for the sweetness, instead of the the alcohol, it might just be delicious. But, the effort to make sure it’s virgin will surely be too obvious and take too much effort. And if the waiter doesn’t hear me on the virgin part, and I accidentally start sipping a real margarita, I fear my self discipline will go out the window at that moment, and I must have six more.

Dinner is inconveniently at a restaurant next to the Improv. If it was at the Improv, like I have done before with friends, I could easily use up my two item minimum on food. Now, I’m stuck. Sure, I can order a soda. But what do I do with the second item? It’s an issue now.

Every place that I’m going has history with drinking. I remember what drink I order each time I am there. I remember the occasion that I was last there, who was with me. I remember their drinks, too. One of the problems with being an alcoholic is the obsession with it. It’s exhausting.

I remember what my friend’s drinks were, and how many they had. I had to for at least the first few, just so that I could notice the pace of their intake. I had to always be aware of others behavior around me, so that I could make sure mine didn’t appear unusually excessive. Because it was.

One of the hardest things about getting sober, is creating new habits. When you are addicted to anything, it takes up so much time and space, and energy in your life. And, you don’t even realize how much space it fills until you take it away.

So tonight, I am going out, and going to be the only one not drinking. The birthday girl is the only one that knows my recent past with alcohol. We had dinner a few weeks ago, and I told her all about it. She’s incredibly positive, and supportive, but she’s not an alcoholic. That’s a good thing, for the future of our friendship, but there’s only a certain extent to what she can understand.

I told her that I had a issues with alcohol, before almost anyone else, over a year ago. And her honest response was that I just needed to not drink alone, and on the week days. A couple times a month at social functions, like she does, was okay. I don’t blame her for not understanding it. At that point I had hope that I could change my habits to be “normal”. But that was way before I embraced the idea that I was actually an alcoholic. It’s been a long road.

So, I’m not sure how tonight will go. I’ve thought canceling this outing hundreds of times. I’ve thought about what a bad idea it is for me to be in a regular bar setting, so early into trying to be sober. But, this group of friends is also the perfect setting. I get along with them all without alcohol. Most of them don’t have dysfunctional relationships with alcohol, and some of them don’t drink much at all on certain evenings out. I’m angry that this is such a selfish disease. I’m obsessed with what drink I will order, how people will respond to my not drinking, how I will answer any questions about it. It’s so self centered, and obsessive, that the thoughts spin round and round in my head until I just want to stay at home in bed.

But the truth is I want to have good relationships. I want to have girl’s nights out. I want to go to birthday parties of my good friends. I just don’t know how to do that yet without drinking. And you don’t know how you are going to handle it until you try. I get so tired of thinking about myself, that I hope one day I can focus more on other people, and creating and sustaining good relationships.  It’s not all about me, even though the addict in me is constantly trying to convince me that it is.

I’m excited to announce a new feature that will appear every Thursday here at Dreamin’ the Life: Site Reviews. Each week I will be profiling a site I love, or a new site that I have just come across, along with a mini-interview with the site’s author. I’m hoping to explore more interesting and diverse content through these site reviews, as well as open up my readers to a site they might not have heard of before. Enjoy!

Rob Granholm is someone that you may want to keep an eye on. He took the exploding world of lifestyle design, and started a blog with a twist on it: see if a regular guy can automate a passive income and free up enough time to live his dreams. Inspired by Tim Ferriss’ Four Hour Work Week, Rob launched The Life Design Project in June of ‘09. His practical approach is refreshing, and educational. And, his drive and ambition inspires the hell out of me. In addition, his just a super nice guy. If you have never heard of his site, I’d recommend taking a few minutes to check it out.

Here are a few questions I asked Rob about inspiration, blogging, and life:

1. What inspires you most?

I’m inspired by people and their stories. I have somewhat of a hero complex, I’m constantly fighting against the odds for what I think is the good thing. I love seeing the qualities of courage and bravery shine in other people. It makes me want to be a hero myself in my projects, and support other people in their efforts. It’s why I love to serve.

That’s the cheesy answer at least, I also get a kick out of pure mechanical efficiency! I love making this just work.

2. What two qualities are key to having a successful blog?

Vision/Persistence: It’s vital with a blog that you think past tomorrow, or next week, and even next month. A blog is an open inviting conversation, which creates followers. You need have a vision for what to do with that to be successful, and in order to have that vision realized, you need to be persistent.

Awareness: It goes hand in hand with my above point. Again, a blog is a conversation. You are the lead, but it’s supposed to be informative, open and inviting. Gain an awareness of your audience as you interact with them and what/who your niche is involved in/with. Use that to engage and offer your audience something of value (content is king). You do have a plan to offer them something right?

Unless you’re keeping an online journal, I believe a blog should have some business path (interpret loosely) in mind, even if not openly executed during the beginning stages.

3. What piece of advice would you give to someone that wants to become self employed by following their passion?

Start talking, build relationships, put it out there. Relationships are fuel. They keep you accountable, create niche resources, build credibility and expert status if done properly, and provide networking access to bigger more known names. Relationship can be stored away and used later, or engaged immediately and provide immediate benefit, the important part is to start the conversation. I remember quite literally searching up “Philadelphia entrepreneurs” in some hour of desperation looking to talk to someone besides my girlfriend who had tired of humoring me about all my ideas. I stumbled on two great contacts I still use today that have pushed me forward and kept me in the game.

Start by putting your ideas out there, launch a blog, contribute to a column, go to meetings, get the ball rolling and relationships will fan the flame. Your passion will do the rest.

4. What is the best lesson you have learned from blogging?

Honestly, it’s the above point. I’ll say it again. Relationships are fuel. I mentioned earlier about a hero complex I have, I’m learning that people are only as strong as those they surround themselves with, including heroes. At least the ones without super powers. I was always a “I’ll learn it myself”, take it all on my shoulders and pull through kind of person, but the more experienced I get, I learn that’s simply not the way to go about building a business, brand, or message.

Thanks so much Karen for this opportunity. I typically don’t speak on feelings or subjective experience as my blog The Life Design Project is centered around real world pragmatic and mechanical testing of lifestyle design, efficiency, etc. and creating freedom businesses. I had a lot of fun answering these questions and acknowledge you for asking them!

Free Consulting Offer for Readers!
I want to open up an offering to your readers and let them freely e-mail me any questions revolving around my comments above, and especially around any technical/website/blog questions they have as they look into building their own blogs and self employment/freedom business endeavors.

I run a website called IT Arsenal which isn’t a testing project like The Life Design Project but it’s actually my passion, which is to help entrepreneurs and home users with their IT needs. It’s still in the beginning stages, but I’m looking for common IT questions and struggles to address and answer thoroughly and for free on the site as it launches. Depending on volume, I’ll do my best to answer everyone in a timely manner.

Come one come all! Contact Rob at rob @ itarsenal.com

Robert Granholm
The Life Design Project
IT Arsenal

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Thank you Rob for taking the time to answer my questions.
Please tell me in the comments…is there anyone you’d like to see in an upcoming site review?

Whenever I write about my perfectionistic tendancies I spell it wrong. I spell it like I just did in the last sentence, like clock work, the same way every. single. time. And the cute little red line shows up under the words, telling me that I’m doing it wrong. So, I right click and change it to the correct spelling. Oh, the irony.

Being perfect is impossible. Trust me I know, because I keep trying. This makes being a perfectionist such an idiotic concept: continuously wanting to achieve the impossible. And, I don’t mean this in the touchy, feely “live your dreams and reach for the stars” type of impossible. I mean this in a “continuously self sabotaging because you constantly can’t live up to your own unreal expectations” type of impossible.

Merriam Webster defines perfectionism as, “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”. That’s a pretty shitty way to live. You are rarely satisfied, and then more often than not unhappy.

I keep trying to be perfect, and it’s not possible. Which leads to a lot of failure, loss of self esteem from not ever being able to be satisfied, and hopelessness from the ensuing realization that failure is inevitable.

But, the beautiful thing is: I’m wrong. I’m not perfect. I never will be.

I need to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to screw up. This is one of those things that my conscious mind knows, yet my illogical, subconscious internal desires completely conflict. I tell myself that it’s okay to do it wrong, because mistakes are the only way to learn.  But this little elusive devil in me keeps screaming this annoying high pitch scream, every time something isn’t just so.  Which is often.

I don’t like the learning stages of anything new. I want to master something, instantly. I want to be spectacularly good at doing it, not have to learn like everyone else by trial and error.

photo credit

Perfectionism sucks. Perfect is a strong word, and I have the essential love/hate relationship with it. In the previous link, Penelope Trunk lists four concise, brilliant points about why perfectionism sucks. I relate to all four concepts immensely, and after reading her article quickly realized the pathetic-ness of being a perfectionist: it’s all fear based.  It’s a cowardly way to exist.

And I’m not happy settling for being a coward. The only way I know to combat this is to doing it wrong. A lot. The more mistakes I make, the easier it is to realize it’s not the end of the world. I’m not even going to proofread this article. Okay, maybe I’ll proofread it just once, and not the usual 20 times.

So tell me… do you have perfectionist tendencies? Do you see them as a positive trait, or self defeating? And, yes. I had to correct the spelling on perfectionist tendencies because it would drive me insane if I left it like that, twice.

Completely irrelevant-visually-stimulating picture that just makes me happy to look at: photo credit

I started this site in June of this year, after stumbling upon this post. And although I have yet to figure out how to live out of two backpacks on a globe hopping adventure, or even if that is my true goal, this past year has been an incredible one filled with ginormous self discovery.

I went from not knowing what Wordpress was, to being a regular blogger. Thanks to this guy’s helpful advice and posts, Dreamin’ the Life was launched in June 2009. I’m still not afraid to admit that I haven’t a clue about many things techy, but writing each and every post this year has taught me something. Small lessons have revealed themselves, and huge lessons have plopped themselves down in front of me, refusing to move from my path until I deal with them.

My posts from this year have produced some large fights with people I love, life-changing epiphanies, incredible discussions, and helped friendships develop to a much deeper level with people in the blogging community, as well as people I have known my whole life.

Yesterday, my Dad emailed me and simply put one sentence: “You are a very, very good writer.” Two verys is like, a lot. Despite the fact that he is completely biased in his judgments about me, I’ll just ignore that part. I’ll take it as a huge compliment coming from someone who supported themselves and his family for the past thirty year by being a professional writer.

Another friend of mine said yesterday after reading the latest post, “I think I would read a book if you wrote one.” That sounds fairly benign, but since Goodnight Moon was the last book he read, I took this as great compliment.

Now, without further ado, here are the top posts this year according to traffic:

1. Go Ahead. Just Run Through The Fountain.
2. What If We Are All Just Equally Stupid?
3. Make A Move, Even if It’s the Wrong Move
4. I Don’t Want To Be The Alcoholic That I Am
5. Alcoholics Not-So-Anonymous: A Sneak Peek Inside My First AA Meeting-Part One

And, in case you missed them… these were some of my personal favorite posts:

1. I’ll Never Love Like This Again
2. All The Wisdom You’ll Ever Need
3. Teachers Are Everywhere
4. Everything I Need to Know, I’ve Learned From My Goldfish
5. How Learning to Be Positive Saved My Life

Going into this New Year, I’d love hear any suggestions about future content on Dreamin’ the Life. What do you want to see more of? More posts on addiction, more free flowing silliness, or how-to list posts? Less posts on addiction? The addition of video-blogging? (eeeek. that one kinda scares me.) A better design, font, or not-so-lame header? Please leave comments, or email me here any constructive criticism on how to improve this site. I’m open to it all.

I won’t give any advice on how to keep New Year’s resolutions, but in case you were looking for some, I was recently inspired by the great Penelope Trunk’s latest post on the subject.

Thank you to everyone online who has inspired, motivated, and supported me this year. Especially regarding this incredibly difficult post. The ability to utilize my blog to facilitate self growth, along with the outpouring of supportive comments, and emails from friends and strangers alike makes me eternally grateful.

Now, to end 2009 on a good note, I leave you with a picture of dancing hamsters.

Make sure you don’t miss out on all the upcoming awesomeness in 2010 by subscribing here. And if you are on Twitter, go follow me here.